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Quarantine’s Hottest Club is…Glenn Close’s Instagram

April 24, 2020 by Tina Wargo
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Welcome to Today I’m Obsessed With…, a weekly deep-dive into a cultural phenomenon, particularly compelling figure, or uniquely fascinating moment that was as imprisoned in my broken mind over the past seven days as we all were inside our homes. I’m Tina, the TodayTix Social Media Manager. Obsess with me, won’t you?

You know how some of the very best places you’ve ever been in your life are super niche, kind of hidden, certainly beloved by those who visit them but somehow feel like they’ve been made just for little old you? That beer garden/board game emporium in Brooklyn your best friend took you to. The boutique shop you found right off Main Street in your hometown that has antique accessories and secondhand home decor, of which you needed approximately 500 dollars’ worth. Marie’s Crisis. That feeling when you walk in, look around, smile just to yourself (but not really — you secretly hope other people are noticing your emotional metamorphosis) like you’re in an indie movie, and think, “Oh, I’m home.”

That’s how I feel about Glenn Close’s Instagram page. It has everything

Hall Ball

Hall Ball is exactly what it sounds like, except somehow, when Glenn Close does it with her dog — WHO IS NAMED PIPPIN! — it’s high art. It’s a performance. It’s a state of mind. Glenn Close has, all in one moment, made fetch happen and rebranded it. Hall Ball is exactly the kind of activity that would make total sense coming out of Quarantine Times, but Glenn Close has been playing for at least one year and two months, further proving my theory that she is more evolved than any of us.

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Introducing the great game Hall Ball

A post shared by The Real Glenn Close (@glennclose) on

Inspirational Speeches

Although it’s not the first of its kind, this video that everyone on the whole Internet was watching for two weeks hit different. It played out like a gorgeous early-third-act monologue in a poignant Greta Gerwig movie about a New York actor struggling with her decision to move back to the city after a devastating incident (the details of which we don’t learn until mid-act-three). But it’s not an Oscar-nominated (or possibly Oscar-snubbed) monologue; it’s just Glenn’s brain!

In this particular lovely and personal video, she details an early NYC audition experience, and her own subsequent coming-of-age moment, which was, as most good ones are in New York. very small but undeniably profound. For those of us living in New York, missing New York, worrying about New York, or just thinking about New York, Glenn’s musings here feel the same: small but mighty.

“I wonder why they say it’s as if the streets are paved with gold because I think, for us, it’s not about gold,” she starts, as one lonely tear falls down my cheek. “It’s about the absolute thrill, the joy of being able to do what you want most in the world to do, and what you feel is why you’re here.” Why am I crying in the club right now???

The Goose Contest

In a three-part saga, of which I think back on fondly and more frequently than I should be willing to admit, Ms. Close held an Instagram giveaway contest, like the true #influencer she was always meant to be. The prize? A plaster goose. A heavy goose. The challenge? Identify the Glenn Close movie in which Heavy Goose appears. Who’d have ever guessed that something so simple could bring such joy and levity to our lives, even this many months later? But that is the gift of Glenn Close’s Instagram. That is the gift of the goose.

Behind-The-Scenes Treasures

Where else on the great, wide Internet can you find a video of Amy Adams cycling to send food to a goat? Where else will you see young Glenn Close and Jeff Goldblum cuddin’ up in between scenes? Where else would any of us have the privilege of seeing the phrase “secretly embedded female pirate”? And where, oh where, dear reader, was I to have learned the information that the script lady from “Hook” hit on that secretly embedded female pirate? There’s only this. No other road, no other way.

Timothée Chalamet

This friendship is iconic. It’s healing. It’s exactly the kind of thing we need to cleanse our timelines every now and again. And Glenn Close knows this. She gives the people what we want. She’s the hero we deserve and the one we need right now. Never was a story of more glee than Glenn Close and her Timothée.

Face Acting

Folks, there’s almost nothing that makes me feel so purely happy, so deeply fond, so utterly in touch with the easily but genuinely excitable toddler I once was as watching Glenn Close entertain herself (and us, of course) with her front-facing camera. It’s a series that deservers as many prequels, sequels, and spin-offs as the “Star Wars” universe. I could, and I say this without an ounce of hyperbole, watch Glenn Close make faces at her phone for eight hours straight. I could do a Julie & Julia challenge wherein I watch only these videos, every day, for 365 days. I will never have enough Close-ups.

In sum, I cannot adequately express my gratitude that this woman — a three-time Tony winner, seven-time Oscar nominee, and three-time Golden Globe and Emmy winner — spends any amount of her time making content to enjoy on Instagram dot com. She doesn’t have to do any of this for us, and yet she does. She goes above and beyond. She goes down the hall, to Georgia, to the depths of her soul to deliver us messages of comfort, grace, peace, to the archives where the photos of her as a secretly embedded female pirate lie, and she lets us in. Glenn Close’s Instagram is the hottest club, because it’s open to the pubic, despite its breadth, it’s never too much, and you’ll always leave a better, more evolved human being than you were when you arrived.

If you need me this quarantine, I’ll be perusing her 290 posts for any detail I may have missed. Forward all calls, hold all mail — unless it’s Heavy Goose. He’s the Timothée Chalamet to my Glenn Close.